03/02/17





 
ELMIRISM aka Hot Fudge Sundae


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INTRODUCTION:

HOT FUDGE SUNDAE RELIGION

 It is written in the Holy Book of Elmir (whenever I get around to writing it) that life sucks then you die but in the meantime you need to enjoy the time you are alive by avoiding anything that makes your life suck.  Certainly do not waste any of your time praying to fairy tale gods. There, that is the HFSR in a few words.

A few advantages of HFSR are: does not cost you time or money, you can select one day of the week to celebrate your new religion by having a Hot Fudge Sundae.

 

Elmirism is a religion based on logical thinking.  In having tried to understand life on Earth, Elmir has come to the conclusion that it is very unlikely that there is a supreme entity referred to as God, and anyone who says definitely there is a God is either brain-washed or out to get your money or is a pawn in the political system or is pretending to be actually a very nice person when they are not.  Spirits, ghosts, demons, devils, etc do not exist in Elmirism but the following do: evil people, dangerous animals, mental illness, and irresponsible presidential voters (read Charles Krauthammer's new book "Things that Matter" to understand about these dangerous people).   

Elmir has come to believe that if there were a God all the tragedies that happen to people would not happen.  Just think about it - Why so much evil in the world?  Is this so God can make it all better in the hereafter.  Is there a hereafter? Is there a tooth fairy? 

Elmir believes it is good for your wellbeing to have beliefs, e.g. belief that at the end of each week, you'll stop and get yourself a hot fudge sundae, there will be something worthwhile to watch on TV, you will hit the big Lottery.   Elmirism is a simple religion.  The religion is only within your body.  You are your place of worship.  

Elmir was referred to in *ancient scriptures as being the thirteenth disciple of Jesus (*papers put together by Wise Men who believed that sea shells on mountain tops were caused by a rain that lasted 40 days and nights.  Believed also that all men on earth came from one man and all women came from one of his ribs (now that is really a hip smacker i.e. they really wrote that :D).  Additionally, they wrote that God told a very special man laws that have to be obeyed, and these revelations just so happened to be exactly the type of laws the Wise Men wanted, amazing BS).  To put this into simple terms the Bible should be re-titled "Camp Fire Tales". 

Elmir's name was thought to have been given to him by the other disciples, in Aramaic it meant "He who eats too much kielbasa and beans.".  The story goes that Elmir produced so much gas that it disrupted their meetings and Elmir was banished from their group.  Elmir wandered for years before finally settling in the Land of Pittsburgh where legend has it that his outhouse created the natural gas fields in that area.  The above can be verified by simply checking it out in the "Camp Fire Tales".

NOTE: Because Elmir's disciple, also named Elmir, is about the same age as Yoda, he has had many life experiences that he has included under different items at the end of Elmir's religion discussion: Health Tips, Travel Tips, Living Tips, Job Tips, Family Tips.

Emirism Advantages:

As a participant of Elmir's religion:

·         It doesn’t cost you money.  Elmir feels it should not cost you money if you want to worship your God.  Elmir feels that if you believe in a heaven and/or hell getting there should not involve paying other people to tell you what you have to do to get there.  (Elmirism teaches that there is not a heaven or a hell other than what you create here on Earth).  

·         It doesn’t cost you time.  Elmir feels since we have a measured life span, you should waste very little time traveling in order to pray to your God.

·         It doesn’t have you worrying about doing the things necessary in some people’s minds to please God.  So stop worrying about the hereafter because there is no hereafter, you are just gone, kaput, a memory soon forgotten. You do not have to worry about going to some special place when you die.  You die and that is the end of you.   As the Monty Python song "Look on the bright side of life"  put so well "you came from nothing and you are going back to nothing - so what have you lost - nothing".

       

·         Instead of throwing your money away in hopes of influencing some nebulous entity or neighbors, you can do other things with the money, e.g. help causes that give the majority of the funds raised, directly to helping needy people.

·         Elmir feels if you want to belong to another religion, its okay, but does not recommend it unless you need it for business connections or receiving charity or just like to play pretend.

Emirism Common Sense Guidelines:

·         The worshiping of God, in Elmir's guidelines, does not require anything. 

·        Is God listening when you pray, no, but if praying makes you feel better - do it.

·         You have to protect yourself, since the pretend God will be too pretend busy to notice you need help.

·         A person’s body is their own to do with as they want but if other people will be badly effected then that should be taken into consideration.

·         When you die, your inter-being lives on in other people you have influenced, for good or bad. 

 

Elmirism Suggested Practices:

·         Perform cremation rather than body burial, at the funeral you can have an open urn viewing, with a sign, listing people you do not like, reading "ape's name, ape's name etc can Kiss my Ash".  Also, some of the ashes can be encapsulated and carried by people as a remembrance or added to their compost heap (to give it a little more body hee hee) or some ashes can be put in an envelope and sent to one of the relatives with a message "(ape's name) has decided to visit you for a few days".  The really big advantage is cremation about $500 usd and full body burial about $10,000 usd and you both are going to the same place i.e. nothingness.

         All days of the year are yours to do with as you please, except once a week, for a minute or two thank the pretend God for this world or curse it as you see fit.  Also if you miss a week it is no big deal.

·         Also all days of the year are yours to do with as you please except starting today, at least once a week, send an email to your congressman and senator requesting them to work on getting Donald Trump to be president of the USA and putting Hillary in jail.  Also if you miss a week it is no big deal except maybe the pretend God is watching and would like you to send the email and if you don't might send you to Hell and Eternal Damnation. 

Update: Apparently the emails worked and Trump is now the President but we are all waiting for Hillary to go to Jail.

Elmirism Laws:

              1)   Do not kill.

              2)   Do not steal.

              3)   Do not lie, particularly if it will hurt other people.

              4)   Respect anyone worthy of respect.

              5)   Pray to God.

              6)   Do stuff in moderation.

              7)   Observe and avoid participating in the Seven Deadly Sins (Pride, Envy, Gluttony, Lust, Anger, Greed, and Sloth).

Gandhi had seven deadly sins advice:

·         Wealth without Work

·         Pleasure without conscience

·         Science without Humanity

·         Knowledge without Character

·         Politics without Principle

·         Commerce without Morality

·         Worship without Sacrifice

Mysteries that stump the Worlds Greatest Minds:  

Impossible to Believe: Celebratory Cake found containing the Symbol Of Elmirism & a Salutation.  Much like statues having tears, stigmata signs, religious shapes in potato chips, this mystery will have to be investigated.

PostScript:

This website is the Elmirian Bible and information will be added as Elmir sees things that need further clarification or should be added. 

 

 

This site was last updated 03/02/17